Search Engine Shenanigans Revived!

w00t! after i moved the otherwhirled over here and got its shiny domain and all that, it took my current Internet Service Provider about 3 months to actually get statistics running where i could see them. and by ‘where i could see them’, i mean, they got statistics set up (except for search engine and other referrer data) and never sent me the login to the statistics module, so i thought it wasn’t done. then, once i finally got access to the statistics and discovered there was no referrer data, i just went and signed up with Google Analytics. i may have even mentioned that.

i kept hounding their tech support, though, on the limitedly viable premise what i was paying for certain services, so at this point, in conversations with one particularly-overpaid-for-his-lack-of-intelligence technician, attempts were made to convince me that referrer statistics had been running all along, even though there was a gross disparity between what Google Analytics reported and what their statistics didn’t report. finally, after three months, i told him about the noticeable difference between their statistics and Google’s, and surprise-surprise, i suddenly had full referrer statistics that have now been pumping to me for the past month. whee!

{don’t you just love the phrase ‘gross disparity’? i do. that’s why i used it.}

so, without further ado, i present to you the most recent ways in which people stumbled upon the otherwhirled via the search engines, duly qualified by two statistical systems, no less!

  • “headless body found in topless club” ~ that’s funny, i always thought the paying clients might find head in a topless club. what a twisted world.
  • “james briggs stratton” ~ i used to link to him, but he was getting awful right-wingy there for a while, then i glitched up my Google Reader while i was moving the site and never got him replaced. i think i was the only one clicking through to him, but here’s a link to Bats Left, Throws Right for you.
  • “bear attacks” ~ bear attacks can cause panic attacks which can cause heart attacks. weird, ain’t it?
  • “biguns” ~ i appeal to an awfully intellectual crowd.
  • “condi rice ‘in her bath'” ~ heh. still a favorite of mine, but i didn’t do it. for those of you who just threw up in your mouths, you’re very welcome.
  • “condoleezza rice nude” ~ fine. here you go, you sick bastards.
  • “darkblack wordpress template” ~ this is funny on several levels. it’s an excuse to shamelessly link to darkblack again, though. that site should be in your blogrolls anyway.
  • “freedom to petition” ~ yes, i’m all for that. where do i sign?
  • “fuck-his-wife” ~ yes, i did. that’s how we got the Otherlings, after all.
  • “” ~ well, no shit. the address bar is usually above the search bar on your Google homepage, moron. learn how to use your browser.
  • “nonnie9999” ~ well, that’s nice. go visit Hysterical Raisins and tell her i sent you.
  • “perverts r us” ~ i still think this should be the official RNC slogan.
  • “ron edmonds” ~ obviously doesn’t editorialize when he shoots. 😉
  • “skating trolls” ~ we had a logic-impaired, self-fellating, semi-professional keyboard masturbator bugging some fellow bloggers a while back. i paid him a modicum of attention, he mumbled something and slithered away. coward.
  • “spice girls inflict their” ~ INFLICT THEIR WHAT!?!?! you just can’t leave a good search phrase like that hanging. i’m very disappointed.
  • “touchdown jesus, photoshop” ~ obviously typed by a heathen, because “Jesus” wasn’t Capitalized. you are SO going to H-E-double-toothpicks, you non-capitalizing searcher! and i still want to know what happened to his feet.
  • “what i want for christmas essay” ~ again with the lack of Capitalization. if all you got was coal in your stocking, it’s because Santa Claus technically represents the Holy Spirit, and you. have. pissed. Him. off. still, i thought it was a decent wish. a boy can dream, right?
  • “young and tender” ~ actually, i think your searches for interns should be confined to the government web sites, Senator!

so, there you have it. the search engine shenanigans have been revived! now your lives are complete!

previous shenanigans:

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