As much as I want to write something deep and thought provoking tonight, it just isn’t going to happen. Today was an anxiety day, one with no apparent onset (not that there needs to be, but some things are known triggers), and one that I just haven’t been able to shake.
It started when I woke up, and I assumed it was because I had some things that I had to get done today that were pushing a deadline. This is a known trigger, and to combat it, when something is due on Friday, I try to have it done by Tuesday. However, other people are variables, and so this thing that was due today was still not completed and wasn’t submitted until around 12p today.
I thought that after I submitted it, my anxiety would subside, but it didn’t. It actually got worse, and the jittery, on edge feeling was interfering with my day so around 1pm I took a PRN Lorazepam. These usually work, although they’re not nearly as effective as the Xanax that I used to take.
It didn’t work, at least not fully. It brought me down a little, but I still had the underlying jittery, adrenaline coursing through my veins, mind racing, anxiety brain feelings. I still have it to some extent now, twelve hours after it started.
Still, these kind of days have gone from being almost every day to just every once in awhile. I’ve learned to self regulate and take precautions when I know that there will be triggers. I am doing pretty damn good, and it helps to take a moment to acknowledge that, especially on a day like today when I’m not 100%.
I’ll take it easy tonight, maybe veg out on something mindless, and I’ll try to go to sleep early. I’ve got a busy weekend so good self care tonight is especially important so that I can hopefully be back to feeling like myself tomorrow.
Thanks for listening. Goodnight, friends.