Thinking Unenslaved

Not really.

Same stuff, different day, just maybe in a slightly different way.

I guess, if anything, I simply got tired to playing the Bullshit Game. That gets capital letters because it’s that game you have to play when almost everything in your life is bullshit. At least the job’s okay. ;-/

I’ve left ThinkAtheist and started my own show, as indicated by the introductory episode last Wednesday night. My plan is to use this new show to branch into some other aspects of free thinking beyond Atheism, to include Humanism and Secularism: two very misused and woefully misunderstood concepts. I plan on having some guests, and former participants of the old show will still be coming around to my new place to participate from time to time.

Moving forward with life, things have changed here locally, and my online empire expands slowly but inexorably towards the ultimate goal of controlling all WTF molecules on the Internet.

Also, I thought it might be fun if I figure out how to fix the problem with all the missing images from the old posts up here. Luckily, in their absence, there’s so much entertaining text! Yay! Win!

Thanks for being here, catch you on the flip-side.

the following was originally published at my personal blog before i “resurrected” this one this past Oestre-tide. because i was rolling like that at the time. This is probably a more appropriate category for this blog, however, so consider this a kick-off to a new series.

Abraham: Hey, son, let’s take a walk.
Isaac: Cool, dad. I’m tired of driving everywhere, anyway.
Abraham: Great. Hey, grab that bag for me?
Isaac: Sure, dad. What’s in this thing?
Abraham: We call it “Awesomesauce,” son.
Isaac: Can I try some?
Abraham: Hahahahaha…No.
….
Trudge, trudge. Gulp. Trudge, trudge. Gulp.
….
more trudging, gulping.
….
Abraham: Ah, let’s rest here for a bit.
Isaac: Good idea, dad. You’re pretty much all over the trail.
Abraham: Don’t be a punk, smartass. Why don’t you go get me some wood?
Isaac: Why do you want some…
Abraham: DON’T ASK ME QUESTIONS, BITCH! GET THE DAMNED STICKS!
….
Rummage, rummage, rummage.
Elsewhere…swig, gulp, fart.
Carry, drop, sigh, rummage.
Isaac: Is that enough yet, pops?
Abraham: You stop when I tell you to stop, boy.
Isaac: {sigh}
Abraham: Don’t you sigh at me, boy! I’ll beat you so hard your momma loses teeth!
….
rummage, carry, drop, sigh, rummage.
swig, gulp, fart.
etc.
….
Isaac: Dad. There’s no more sticks within a three mile radius. Is that enough?
Abraham: Shit…thassalotta sticks, boy. What the hell ya doin?
Isaac: DAD! You TOLD me to get the sticks!
Abraham: Did not!
Isaac: Did too!
Abraham: Son, donchu be tellin me what I did and didn’t do.
Isaac: ….
Abraham: Go get th’goat, boy.
Isaac: What goat?
Abraham: Nebbermind. I’ll get th’goat. You stack up these sticks real nice for a fire.
Isaac: Gah. Yessir.
….
(sound of Abraham peeing somewhere not far off)
grumble, stack. grumble, stack. sigh. grumble.
enter Abraham, sans goat, scowling.
Isaac: What’s wrong, dad?
Abraham: Nuttin’.
Isaac: Aw, c’mon, dad…the goat get away?
Abraham: Yeah, that, an’ I’m outta booze.
Isaac: Outta what?
Abraham: Awesomesauce.
Isaac: Oh. So what’re we gonna do?
Abraham: Uh…I’m thinkin…nap-time.
Isaac: Sounds good to me, I’m tired after all this work!
Abraham: Stop yer ‘plainin, boy! Shaddup’n lay down on them there sticks.
Isaac: Do what?
Abraham: You go ahead and lay on th’sticks. Looks comfy. I’ll jist curl up over here….
Isaac: On the sticks? You’re serious?
Abraham: Yes, I’m serious.
Isaac: The sticks where we were gonna sacrifice the goat.
Abraham: Well….yeah.
Isaac: On the pile of flammable wood.
Abraham: Yes!
Isaac: Made for a sacrifice.
Abraham: YES!
Isaac: Where things….die.
Abraham: Get on the sticks, boy, and don’ gimme no more’f yer damn lip!
Isaac: {sigh}
….
shuffle. climb. {sigh}
….
time passes.
….
Abraham: You sleepin, boy?
….
Abraham: You ‘wake, boy?
….
Abraham: Dammit.
….
shuffle, shuffle.
….
Isaac: DAD! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT KNIFE?!?!?!
Abraham: Ummmm….
Isaac: HOLY SHIT, YOU FUCKIN DRUNK BASTARD!!!!
Abraham: Aw, I was just kiddin’, kiddo. C’mon….don’t be such a prick.
Isaac: Jesus, man.
Abraham: C’mon, git down. Let’s go home.
Isaac: Gahhhhhh…..
….
trudge, trudge, trudge.
….
Isaac: Dad?
Abraham: Yeah?
Isaac: You’re the best daddy ever!

…the saga continues….

we last left our intrepid search engine reporter in his WordPress stats. that was….oooops….three weeks ago. my how time flies when i’ve got a house on the market and various other things i jokingly refer to as “responsibilities”. today’s report comes from a mixture of WordPress Stats and Google Analytics. remember, you can sell your soul to WordPress and Google at any time. just like commander other did!

1. graph and corruption ~ congratulations. someone learned how to spell it right!
2. muslim hookers ~ oh yes, there are such things!
3. chuck-n-huck ~ what’s upchuck? Chuck-n-Huck!
4. link:http://zaiusnation.blogspot.com/ ~ yes, Dr. Zaius. commander other still loves you. well, actually, being partial to hopeless causes, he secretly has a thing for Germaine Gregarious. but i digress….
5. “i’m not comparing mccain to hitler. hitler had a coherent tax policy” ~ stupid Coulter bitch. and yes, the title “i love the right wing” was dripping with sarcasm.
6. “miracle of america” hegemony ~ that’s interesting. gets a partial-word-score on “miracle”: STFU. hrm, i see i should someday sync up my tags. hegemony: tag. keyword.
7. jcpenney spring collection ~ holy cow. i forgot about this one!
8. arizona senator dyke’s email ~ er…um…sounds like an interesting search. “arizona senator” triggers this guy, though.
9. big butts.com ~ domain names don’t have spaces in them, dumbass (yeah, pardon the pun. pfft!) maybe you like big butts? Rudy does.
10. clip art, steaming turd ~ Gah! Delia! they’re trying to steal your Christmas present!
11. condi´s legs ~ GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish they’d stop showing them.
12. condi nude ~ MY EYES! MY EYES! MY EYES!
13. feeding frenzy ~ she’s so beautiful when she sees money.
14. jewel ~ she’s so cool. and relevant. and totally not a poser. really.
15. pez xanax ~ hey, that’s a nice one. i’ve got just the thing for you!
16. pictures of laura bush in a pantsuit ~ bummer. this is one of those old ones from when i wasn’t keeping the photos locally.
17. white bitches ~ i guess i thought this one was funnier than everyone else did. o well!
18. lots of love doll drink ~ hrm. okay. i gots lots of love dolls.

previous shenanigans and related things:

• Search Engine Shenanigans VI
• Search Engine Shenanigans Revived!
• Search Engine Shenanigans IV
• Search Engine Shenanigans III
• Spam Hog Attraction Pondering
• This Week in Otherwhirledly Visitations
• Search Engine Shenanigans

photo credit: AP Photo/Jerome Delay

Read the Custom Blue Screen

photo credit: Cake Dots’ Wedding Cake, Ltd, Columbus, OH.

…just for your birthday, Freida Bee! Here’s hoping your…er…29th…birthday is the creamiest, most-deliciously finger-lickin’-good bestish birthday ever!

Go visit the party everyone!

h/t to Dr. Zaius

what? you expected me to use a different cake image?

photo credit: Linda Davidson – The Washington Post

“…always go for the black guys.”

photo credit: Troy Maben – AP

Wait a minute! Is it possible that Jenna has a least a shred of common sense? No, no such luck, it seems:

Obama supporter Stacy Falkner of Idaho shows off her favorite hat inside Boise’s Qwest Arena before the start of the Ada County Democratic Caucus. Several thousand people were expected to attend the event.

photo credit: Tracy A. Woodward – The Washington Post

“Aaaaah! I see people that haven’t made a donation! Get ‘em! GET THEM!!!!”

photo credit: Tracy A. Woodward – The Washington Post

“…that if elected, I will continue to undermine personal rights and freedoms in favor of corporate gains!”

photo credit: Preston Keres – The Washington Post


…how many states Obama would have won if the stage crew had remembered the pole.

photo credit: REUTERS/Ina Fassbender

You’re A Prayer for Owen Meany!
by John Irving
Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire
faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest
this fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking
moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT
SOUNDS LIKE THIS!

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

~~~

utter tripe and codswallop, of course. but i’ll come back to read this from time to time and pretend like it makes me feel good about myself or something….

~~~

found at Mock, Paper, Scissors, who got it from Comrade Kevin.

photo credit: Erik Van ‘T Woud / AFP / Getty

1. Britney Spears’ new boyfriend is seen here retrieving her career for another empty, meaningless, night on the town.

2. Anna Nicole Smith reportedly found a new boyfriend today. He’s a real wheeler-dealer.

3. An attempt to resurrect Janet Jackson’s relevance for this year’s SuperBowl was thankfully curtailed by crowded sidewalks.

yes, yes, shameless recycling, i know. it’s part of what makes life worth living, isn’t it?

a funny thing i noticed the other day was that searches coming through WordPress do not necessarily match other searches (yahoo, google, etc). in fact, they rarely do. as a result, this installment of Search Engine Shenanigans is derived exclusively from WordPress searches as reported in my blog stats utility. fun, fun, fun!

• otherwhirled ~ several searches on this word over the past week. i’m glad i’m here for you.
• bear attacks ~ one of my more popular WordPress searches. it results in this and this. shameless name-dropping at it’s othewhirledly best.
• presidency ages you ~ yes, yes it does. my apologies for this one. this is from further back than i could resurrect the photo. that’s one of the reasons why i host the photos here, now.
• hillary nude {with various spellings} ~ thankfully, there are no results for this search on my blog, so i’m sure i get hits from that because of the use of “Hillary”, “Hilary”, etc. but i must say, as a search phrase, the 37 of you who have come here during the past week from it are absolutely disgusting. and you have no taste. gah. sickos!
• condoleezza rice (condi, condoleeza, condoleza, etc) nude ~ now here, i can help you out. unsurprisingly, the variations of this all together constitute my most popular search phrase.
• satan three heads ~ i was intrigued by this, but it’s another one that doesn’t directly result in my blog. i like the attitude, though. keep trying! (by word usage, it results in this one, if you’re curious)
• muslim hookers ~ this is my personal favorite. remember, when shopping for muslim hookers, Western Civilization is your #1 Shopping Source! (because you don’t want the ones you wind up with in the middle east)
• touchdown Jesus ~ still scoring after all these months. one of you heathens actually searched for “touchdown jesus” with no capitalization. as i understand things, you’re going to hell.
• how to live like a conservative ~ apparently, these people need tutorials to perpetuate their self-aggrandizing duplicity. sadly, i don’t know that this post gives them enough information.
• pope benedict’s eyes ~ yes, i’ve got them, and i’m not giving them back. this gives a match on this post, which is probably not what they’re looking for.
• Otherlings ~ stay away from my children, you perverts!
• Condi’s legs ~ you incorrigible bastards! Gwen Ifil is going to kick your asses. you’re not supposed to be looking at her legs.
• chuck norris–hairpiece ~ hah, hah, hah! yeah, no fecking doubt.

previous shenanigans:

• I
• II
• III
• IV
• V

photo credit: REUTERS/Larry Downing

“Pull mah finner!”

original photo credit: REUTERS/Sukree Sukplang

 

Drive dangerously with Happy Jihad. Because goodness knows he doesn’t get enough hits on his own. all fifty of you are sure to make a difference!

photo credit: Brian Snyder / Reuters

 

…what her O-face really looked like!

“Learning that she is ahead in the polls while ordering a vanilla chai at a local shop in Concord, Hillary achieves her first orgasm in over a decade.”

The secret person who was selected for me by those nefarious simian twins has a name that begins with “D” and rhymes with “elia”. This anonymous individual seems to be a cool person, and her blog is rather interesting. I was, of course, disappointed to find yet another blog that should have been on my blogroll all along, as “impeachment and other dreams” is certainly a worthy read. Knowing I had found something similar to a soul-mate without necessarily being one, I pondered deeply what I should get this person over several days, finally realizing that we were about to leave for our Christmas vacation in about an hour and I’d better get off my ass and really do something. So, here it goes. This one’s for you, Secret Santa whose name starts with “D” and rhymes with “elia”!

Now, I do photos for a living, so I felt that photos would be a bit trite. After all, I do photos for a living. Yesterday, I took over 1200 photos at a wedding. I figured Delia didn’t need any more pictures. So, since long, long ago, I got my start at all this web stuffy from the desktop publishing community, I thought….CLIP ART!!! W00T! Who can’t use a handy clip-art or two?

Oh, damn. I went and revealed her name already. Bah. That’s probably because one of the groomsmen last night kept getting me glasses of merlot. Darn kids. Anyway….

Your first gift, Delia, is a replacement for that president we wish we didn’t have. I figure, this steaming pile of turd could easily do a better job of fucking things up for us, with a few improvements:

• this turd doesn’t mispronounce words or people’s names
• this turd doesn’t side-step questions from reporters with inane banter
• hell, this turd doesn’t even talk!
• and, as a special bonus, this turd can be lit on fire inside a paper bag and left on the front porch of your not-so-favorite shit of a politician!

But, you know. A steaming pile of turd isn’t much of a Christmas present, is it? I certainly couldn’t leave your Christmas at that. So, Delia, I offer you an old Commander Other favorite:

“The Happy Fun Time^® Love Doll™ Company (a subsidiary of Halliburton, Inc.) is proud to announce the new American Dream™ Love Doll™, featuring movable arms and a special voice synthesizer that is capable of repeating Republican Talking Points simultaneously with presumably Democratic Ideals.”

This is a once-in-a-lifetime gift, Delia. Supplies of this special-edition Love Doll™ are limited!

Lastly, Dear Delia, something that’s truly nice for you. You can consider it a stocking stuffer, or anything else you might like! It might be a nice upgrade to the photograph you have of her on your blog. Besides, it’ll be fun to see if Maxim ever notices I stole their photo for you.

Damn. That was a photo. I looked at a photograph today. Actually several. And picked one. There truly is no justice in this world…..

Merry Christmas, Delia. I hope you get some time to do something fun!