Thinking Unenslaved

photo credit: Jonathan Ernst/Reuters

“President Bush responds favorably to gratuitous ego-fondling by the White House press corps.”

photo credit: REUTERS/Larry Downing

“Aaaaarrrrrr. Thar might be hope fer th’likes o’him yet!” Well, okay, probably not, but it’s a funny pic.

photo credit: Jonathan Ernst/Reuters

“Now, Ah’m tellin’ ya’ll straight. Ah dunno where ya’ll get this shit. Thar is absolutely nuttin’ wrong with tha Presidenshul Ram Rocket. It’s werkin’ jest fine, an’ Laura shore ’nuff enjoys tha hell out of it. Now, Ah’m serious here, ya’ll! Quit laffin’! Quit laffin’, Ah tell ya!”

In the extreme off-chance that you were not aware, presidential super-contenders Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein and Dr. Zaius have joined forces to present the Zaius and Monkerstein’s Simian Secret Santa project. The interesting thing about this project is that you don’t have to be a simian to sign up for it! Even Homo Sapiens are allowed to participate!

So, what are you doing here? Go participate!

And whatever you do, don’t click on the sexy Santa here. Don’t do it! NOOOOO!!!!

photo credit: Yuri Gripas/Reuters

“Senator and Presidential Candidate John McCain (R – Lala Land) sits with Republican Apologist Joseph Lieberman (R – GiveUsBackOurVotes) during a recent political forum. Pundits are discussing a potential McCain/Lieberman ticket, which would place the collective age of president and vice-president candidates far higher than ever seen before, and would likewise constitute the first presidential bid that failed so miserably to have any clue as to what the American public actually wants from its president. At least, however, one of them is even aware of the existence of the camera.”

from here.

“This policy is based in part on our interest in avoiding any perception that our law enforcement decisions are subject to political influence”

but seriously, don’t click that image. no really, don’t!

Photo Credits: main image: AP Photo/Evan Vucci ~ overlay image: found here and interpolated by yours truly.

photo credit: REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

“In a remarkable turnaround, President Bush temporarily leaned to the Left today while speaking to reporters after a cabinet meeting. Unaware that her idea of “Left” is really quite “Right”, Senator Feinstein seemed excited about the development. Everyone else figured he was just a little tipsy.”

alright… since Freida (freakin) Bee said i have to….

(i kid, i kid….i actually enjoy some of these meme things, or i wouldn’t participate. i just have to maintain the semblance of acerbic asshole, after all. it goes with the name).

teh rulz: Write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND—and this is important, hence the use of capitalization and bold—ONE of them (AND ONLY FECKING ONE OF THEM, YA LAZY BASTIDS) must come from your tagger’s list. (and i’m goddamn serious about that shit, okay? if the likes of commander other can can follow teh rulz, you sure as hell can. understood? good. i thought so!!!)

Now, in Commander Other’s opinion, that means you only get to use the title of one of your tagger’s items. If you don’t jazz up the content of the course offering sufficiently, it is possible that Commander Other will suddenly appear on your front door-step, asking to audit your lazy-minded, plagiaristic course!!!

NOTE: i was trying to finish this up yesterday when this happened. sorry to be so behind on this.

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on to selected OWU course offerings!

original photo credit: AP Photo/Nick Ut

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‘LOLcons’ concept created by Jon Swift and named by Marita.

…being a completely banal exercise in how to wring nonsense from a few facts presented in news reports. have a great weekend, all!

i have become infected with a virus that started with Splotchy, wherever it is Splotchy lives, and has made its way to me here in South Dakota, where people willingly share viruses, but frequently attempt to deny that sex exists. at least, the religious ones do, anyway. but i digress, which is a particularly exceptional talent of mine. a pity, that, no?

at any rate, here i sit with a virus at my fingertips, courtesy of Jess Wundrun, who got it in turn from Enriched Geranium who contracted it from Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein (no doubt during one of his $1,000-per-plate campaign dinners), who got it from FranIAm, who apparently picked it up from Splotchy during that all-night binge-fest with the “foreign exchange” students, if you know what i mean, wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

seriously, i have no idea where all that just came from. my doctor would probably say that i drink too much caffeine, though. last time he told me that, i jumped up and beat him with his stethoscope.

but i digress….(told you so!)

Continue to the intriguing and mystifying story of I-dunno-what

“This had better be good, Commander. Ah’m damn tired of you pickin’ on me all the time.”

Well, sad to say, President Bush, but it’s probably not going to be “good” from your perspective. I have a feeling that your definition of “good” is pretty much skewed beyond recognition by “good” people, anyway.

What I want for Christmas isn’t something trite like “world peace”, although, of course, that would be very nice. And what I want for Christmas isn’t overly idealistic, like “impeachment”, although that would be quite nice as well.

(more…)

photo credit: AFP/Pierre-Philippe Marcou

“…’Finger Painting’ for $1,000, Alex!” okay, actually, i’d be quite willing to take that for free.

photo credit: AP Photo/Ron Edmonds

“Metamucil®“

photo credit: AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

“…but ya’ll can’t prove it!”

photo credit: AFP/Cris Bouroncle	photo credit: The Onion
“Remarkably similar, aren’t they? At least only one of them is a complete jerk-off.”

photo credit:AP Photo/Ron Edmonds

“Mr. President, will you be my daddy for Christmas?” “Hell, no, boy. Yer just here for the cameras. ‘Sides, you already got a daddy.” “No, sir, I swear I don’t. Momma says I ain’t never had a daddy.” “. . . .” “Well, it’s like this, see? I’m too old ta be yer daddy. Besides, I couldn’t take you to none of the clubs I belong to.” “Why’s that, Mr. President?” “Heh.heh.heh. Let’s just say mah clubs ain’t very colorful.” “Oh, I get it. You really ARE as evil as Momma says.” “Where IS yer momma, boy? Ah’m pretty shore sumpin’ needs cleanin’ somewhere.” “That’s funny, Mr. President. Momma says no amount of scrubbin’ll ever get the Oval Office clean after eight years of your filth.” “Now waitaminnit, boy. A couple o’ seconds ago, you was wantin’ me to be yer daddy. Now yer dissin’ me right ta mah face!” “Yup, that’s right. I’ve always wanted to bust my daddy in the balls since he walked out on Momma and me. But since you screwed up everything else in our lives, I figured I’d try bustin’ yours.” “Laura, get this little shit off your damn lap. He’s a plant from Hillary.” “Oh! Hillary sent us a plant? That’s nice dear. I hope it’s a good strain of indica. That’s so much nicer than the sativa we’ve been getting.”

photo credit: AP Photo/Jessie Cohen, Smithsonian’s National Zoo

“The White House did not announce today the premature birth of quadruplets to President Bush’s only daughter, Jenna. A spokesperson was not quoted as saying, ‘The babies are doing as well as can be expected and have already shed their tails, so their mother is quite proud.’ Meanwhile, Not-Jenna, President Bush’s rarely-mentioned, often-invisible, and theoretically nonexistent offspring was once again heard muttering to herself, ‘Jenna, Jenna, Jenna. It’s always about Jenna!’”

photo credit: AP Photo/Alex Brandon

“Ah’m just a Gawd-fearin’ Republican male. And ta prove Ah’m not gay, Ah’m gonna quit senatorin’.”

photo credit: AP Photo/Gerald Herbert

“What say the two of us go back to my place from some racht and bloodwine after this meeting, Ms. Warf.”

photo credit: REUTERS/Larry Downing

Dark Lord Cheney covertly operates Little Chimpy™, who appears in the foreground, as blurred as his speech.

photo credit: AP Photo/Gerald Herbert

“Yah’ll’ve gotta try this scotch Unca Dick gave me afore Ah come’d out here. Hoo-boy!”

photo credit: Adrees Latif/Reuters

“…to the Bush-lovin’ Blues…” (with apologies to Boney M.)

photo credit: AFP/Aamir Qureshi

“The one on the right is yours for the evening, Your Excellency.”

photo credit: Jim Young/Reuters

“Ah mean, they look kinda old for goin’ to tha Any-police Academy.”