Thinking Unenslaved

our opening show on blogtalkradio.com. more of an introductory thing, no set format or intent. i was also having equipment trouble and had to use my cellphone, so my apologies for sound quality.

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photo credit: AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

President Bush proves once and for all that enforced Christianity is retarded on many levels.

And the band played on, waiting patiently for the imminent fall.

photo credit: AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

“…why Ah hadta come ta yer fambly reunion?”

meanwhile, Laura checks out the well-hung gentleman in the grass skirt….

photo credit: AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

President Bush reconsiders having left his diapers in the limo after making another meal of American values.

(my humblest apology to Watertiger. i admire you deeply. the title just couldn’t be resisted)

photo credit: AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

“Uh….’Live long an’….whu? T’udder way? Damn, this presidentin’ is hard work! Fuck you, Shattner!”

photo credit: AFP/GETTY IMAGES/Dave Einsel

“Ah loves me some John McCain. He’s like the son Ah nebber had. And Ah can’t think of a better person ta keep on shovelin’ the family shit after Li’l Georgie gets done!”

photo credit: AP Photo/Jerome Delay

Read the Custom Blue Screen

photo credit: AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

“Nurses and hospital staff members wear ‘kanga’, traditional African cloths, bearing the image of U.S. President George W. Bush as President Bush tours Amana District Hospital in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, Sunday, Feb. 17, 2008. After the presidential visit, the ‘kanga’ will be reverted back to their original usage as diapers for incontinent patients.”

photo credit: AFP/Jim Watson

“Nice ta meetcha. Tha car’s jist around back.”

photo credit: Yuri Gripas/Reuters

…I’m pretty sure this one would be using a lot of four-letter words.

photo credit: AP Photo/Ron Edmonds

“President Bush pauses while signing his name, having forgotten once again how to spell ‘W’.”

photo credit: REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

“Ah really like signin’ mah name on stuff, ‘specially on stuff that pisses udder people off! Thanks fer lettin’ meh do that agin! Yer tha coolest democommie ever!”

photo credit: REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

“There you go, Chimpy. You just sign whatever your widdle heart desires. We’re all goin’ to hell anyway!”

photo credit: REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

“Oh, heavenly, sir. But don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find yours in a minute!”

photo credit: REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

“Now, ya’ll listen up. Next time ya’ll bring in a bottle of Xanax, bring it open already. Ah busted mah pinky tryin’ ta get the cap off the last one!”

photo credit: REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

“Oh. Ah mean, Sandy! Heh-heh-heh.”

photo credit: REUTERS/Shealah Craighead/The White House/Handout

“Yes, ma’am. I know who your husband is. Which is exactly my point. These seats are reserved for honored guests.”

photo credit: REUTERS/Larry Downing

“C’mere, li’l buddy. Ya’ll ever try sumpin’ called ‘Wild Turkey’? Ya’ll like turkeys, raht? Wull, wiff dis stuff, it’s lahk Thanksgivin’ ever day!”

photo credit: AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

“(it’s all in the punctuation)”

photo credit: Kevin Lamarque/Reuters

ooops. my bad. that was SOTU. (the link is to the full SOTU text as posted by Think Progress)

{by the by, some of the “fun” in this post is in the image mouseovers. just sayin’….}

indeed. the last-and-final SOTU by Preznut Chimperator was yet another exercise in “Shut The Fuck Up, Chimpy”, flavored overmuch by the inherent sense of melancholy and dread that accompanies unbiased critical thinking as applied to careful consideration upon the actual state of the Union. in my humble opinion, it really couldn’t have been:

1. more depressing
2. more predictable
3. more embarrassing
4. more unremarkable

probably the most telling synopsis of this SOTU, as with any other, is the US Presidential Speeches Tag Cloud. i have this separately bookmarked in my browsers, because it encompasses all major presidential speeches, not just the SOTU/STFUs, and is a simple way to compare the focus of past speeches, and past presidents.

as usual, Think Progress has a great series of rebuttals to assertions and declarations made in this most recent SOTU. they even went so far as to provide separate tags for two different forms of capitalization: State of the Union and State Of The Union. either way you do it, the posts there are, as usual, a great window into how stupid he is.

personally, i think his opening lines were the most telling (and thus ensues the quotational cherry-picking!):

Seven years have passed since I first stood before you at this rostrum. In that time, our country has been tested in ways none of us could have imagined.

yeah, no shit, Chimpy. first of all, it’s really uncool to rub in the fact that it’s been SEVEN FECKING YEARS since you stole the preznutty. and “tested in ways none of us could have imagined” means far more to the average, every-day American than a coked-up fuckwit like you can likely fathom.

All of us were sent to Washington to carry out the people’s business. That is the purpose of this body. It is the meaning of our oath. And it remains our charge to keep.

again, no shit. it’s been SEVEN FECKING YEARS, moron. when exactly the fuck are you going to start carrying out the people’s business? ALL the people’s business. oh. never? yeah, go fig.

The actions of the 110th Congress…

now, just stop right there!

…will affect the security and prosperity of our Nation long after this session has ended.

i said, stop. gah. pinhead. yes they will, but only because they’re having to hop around cleaning up everything you’ve thrown your fetid chimpanzee feces at for the past SEVEN FECKING YEARS. do you seriously not realize that even your own party hates you? pfft.

most of us know better. even the lady with almost as much corporate baggage as you have knows better. STFU, Chimpy.

In the work ahead, we must be guided by the philosophy that made our Nation great.

exactly. thus, presuming a majority of the people vote for a Democrat for preznut, we’ll start getting better guidance in about a year.

In the long run, Americans can be confident about our economic growth.

“for the war machine and major corporations”

We have other work to do on taxes. Unless the Congress acts, most of the tax relief we have delivered over the past 7 years will be taken away. Some in Washington argue that letting tax relief expire is not a tax increase. Try explaining that to 116 million American taxpayers who would see their taxes rise by an average of $1,800. Others have said they would personally be happy to pay higher taxes. I welcome their enthusiasm, and I am pleased to report that the IRS accepts both checks and money orders.

oh, hah-hah-hah. very funny. your speech writer obviously crafted that little gem while snuggling with Jonah Goldberg in his mother’s basement. i’ll give you this, little man. you did a hell of a job reading through the cheetoh stains. anyway, STFU, Chimpy. ignorant bastard. not even “Uncle Ben” there seems to agree with you.

The people’s trust in their Government is undermined by congressional earmarks….

while that statement isn’t necessarily untrue, it misses the larger point that people’s trust in their government is undermined by the ineffectual and often embarrassing “leadership” of a “man” who is only marginally capable of communicating his own inadequacy. look, Chimpy, the idiots on the left there are the only ones who are happy with you, and they’re only happy with you when you’re not around.

Our shared responsibilities extend beyond matters of taxes and spending.

holy shit, Chimpy. it only took you SEVEN FECKING YEARS to figure that out. oh, wait. my bad. you were already hip to the “war” and “hypocrisy” squares.

The No Child Left Behind Act is a bipartisan achievement. It is succeeding. And we owe it to America’s children, their parents, and their teachers to strengthen this good law.

this, coming from The Chimpanzee Who Should Have Been Left Behind. i have yet to meet an education professional who has positive things to say about No Child Left Behind. it’s not a good law, Chimpy, and your opinion on the issue, my brave little below-average student, hardly matters.

{….skipping a whole bunch of shit because i have responsibilities….}

One of the most important tools we can give them is the ability to monitor terrorist communications. To protect America, we need to know who the terrorists are talking to, what they are saying, and what they are planning.

i was waiting for that. it wouldn’t have been a genuine Boosh Speech without a paragraph or two of fear-mongering.

America is leading the fight against global hunger.

indeed, eradicating those who follow the path of Islam, the most populous religion in the world, will certainly help make more food available for others.

America is leading the fight against disease.

except where it came to electing presidents over the past two elections, anyway.

America is a force for hope in the world because we are a compassionate people, and some of the most compassionate Americans are those who have stepped forward to protect us.

maybe it’s just a product of my own public schooling, but i didn’t think the word “compassion” was spelled I·N·V·A·S·I·O·N. or O·I·L. let alone G·R·E·E·D.

The secret of our strength, the miracle of America, is that our greatness lies not in our Government, but in the spirit and determination of our people.

again, a bit of truth shines out at the end. we’ll see how your kind fares in November. in the meantime, STFU, Chimpy.

photo credit: AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

Tonight, Preznut Boosh will give his last State of the Union address. Undoubtedly, it will be a hallmark occasion. Meaning, we should all probably go out and buy apology cards for everyone we know in Europe and the Middle East as we begin to invade Iran. Oh, and sympathy cards for every family of a marine, soldier, airman, or seaman that we know.

photo credit: AFP/File/Paul J. Richards

President Bush offers a final kiss goodbye to American “liburtee” and “them other thangs” mentioned in the Declaration of Independence.

photo credit: Eric Draper/White House/Handout/Files/Reuters

“…to find out if he’d be more popular if he drove around with Barney on the top of his car.”

photo credit: AFP/Mandel Ngan

Gah. As if there wasn’t enough about him to be embarrassed about, we also have to worry about presidential handlers that thought a sweater looked ‘presidential’. Or are we actually supposed to believe the little man dressed himself?