Thinking Unenslaved

photo credit: AFP/GETTY IMAGES/Dave Einsel

“Ah loves me some John McCain. He’s like the son Ah nebber had. And Ah can’t think of a better person ta keep on shovelin’ the family shit after Li’l Georgie gets done!”

…why i am disdainful of organized religion.

when the organizations basically only exist for reaping profits despite their non-profit registrations—and when a duplicitous jackass like Benny Hinnpecker attempts to do so off the goodwill of the people of one of the most impoverished nations on the planet—that acrid, bitter taste in my mouth probably isn’t “joy”.

via Crooks & Liars….

above: but one of the faces of True Evil^®.

the first-hand account:

My only thought is that if Mr. Hinn takes so much a single Ugandan schilling [sic] from the desperately poor and sick people longing, begging, for a miracle it will make him a spiritual predator, a spiritual terrorist.

photo credit: AFP/Gettty Images/File/Brendan Smialowski

“Comptroller General, David Walker, describes in precise terms the size of the box that the Bush Administration confined him to during his tenure with the Government Accountability Office.”

{David Walker, Government Accountability Office Comptroller General, testifies during a Senate hearing in 2007. Walker announced his resignation Friday, citing “real limitations” on what he could do.}

photo credit: AFP/HU-HO/File

“Please pass all your fetuses to the inner aisle.”

{The new US ambassador to the Holy See, anti-abortion Harvard law professor Mary Ann Glendon, seen here in a 2004 Harvard University(HU) handout, arrived in Rome on Friday to take up her post, a mission spokeswoman said.}

photo credit: REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

“Ah really like signin’ mah name on stuff, ‘specially on stuff that pisses udder people off! Thanks fer lettin’ meh do that agin! Yer tha coolest democommie ever!”

photo credit: REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

“There you go, Chimpy. You just sign whatever your widdle heart desires. We’re all goin’ to hell anyway!”

photo credit: AFP/Joe Klamar

“A cook at Guantanamo Bay prepares a special ‘Tossed Inmate Salad’ in preparation for a visit from Vice President Cheney.”

photo credit: REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

“Oh, heavenly, sir. But don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find yours in a minute!”

photo credit: REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

“Now, ya’ll listen up. Next time ya’ll bring in a bottle of Xanax, bring it open already. Ah busted mah pinky tryin’ ta get the cap off the last one!”

so constant. so organized. so unflappable.

Coulter mumbles further inanity

“A serious case could be made to support Hillary Clinton,” she declared, offering the analogy of Winston Churchill backing Stalin in the fight against Hitler in WWII. “I’m not equating Hillary Clinton to Stalin, and if I did I apologize to Stalin’s decedents… I’m not comparing McCain to Hitler. Hitler had a coherent tax policy.” Later, she added, “The only way I can promise that I won’t vote for Hillary Clinton is if John McCain appoints her as his vice president.”

o yes, media mavens. please continue to provide the rambling, insane, incoherent freak the microphone.

{the image was found in google cache from http://www.ajc.com/blogs/content/shared-blogs/ajc/woman/entries/2007/07/08/maureen_hydes_s.html}

photo credit: Christopher Morris / VII for TIME

While Cindy McCain’s back is turned, Rudy searches her handbag for lipstick.

photo credit: Shaun Best / Reuters

“…on the Sit-n-Spin Express!”

photo credit: Mario Tama / Getty

“…of McCain Family supporters. And just like great-great-great Grandpa McCain, they can’t tie their own shoes.”

(not that i’m saying he’s old or anything) oh, and VOTE YOUNG AND VOTE OFTEN, FOLKS!

photo credit: Brian Snyder/Reuters

“Hillary applauds while another corporate lobbyist dances the limbo prior to handing over his company’s campaign donation.”

photo credit: REUTERS/Larry Downing

“C’mere, li’l buddy. Ya’ll ever try sumpin’ called ‘Wild Turkey’? Ya’ll like turkeys, raht? Wull, wiff dis stuff, it’s lahk Thanksgivin’ ever day!”

ooops. my bad. that was SOTU. (the link is to the full SOTU text as posted by Think Progress)

{by the by, some of the “fun” in this post is in the image mouseovers. just sayin’….}

indeed. the last-and-final SOTU by Preznut Chimperator was yet another exercise in “Shut The Fuck Up, Chimpy”, flavored overmuch by the inherent sense of melancholy and dread that accompanies unbiased critical thinking as applied to careful consideration upon the actual state of the Union. in my humble opinion, it really couldn’t have been:

1. more depressing
2. more predictable
3. more embarrassing
4. more unremarkable

probably the most telling synopsis of this SOTU, as with any other, is the US Presidential Speeches Tag Cloud. i have this separately bookmarked in my browsers, because it encompasses all major presidential speeches, not just the SOTU/STFUs, and is a simple way to compare the focus of past speeches, and past presidents.

as usual, Think Progress has a great series of rebuttals to assertions and declarations made in this most recent SOTU. they even went so far as to provide separate tags for two different forms of capitalization: State of the Union and State Of The Union. either way you do it, the posts there are, as usual, a great window into how stupid he is.

personally, i think his opening lines were the most telling (and thus ensues the quotational cherry-picking!):

Seven years have passed since I first stood before you at this rostrum. In that time, our country has been tested in ways none of us could have imagined.

yeah, no shit, Chimpy. first of all, it’s really uncool to rub in the fact that it’s been SEVEN FECKING YEARS since you stole the preznutty. and “tested in ways none of us could have imagined” means far more to the average, every-day American than a coked-up fuckwit like you can likely fathom.

All of us were sent to Washington to carry out the people’s business. That is the purpose of this body. It is the meaning of our oath. And it remains our charge to keep.

again, no shit. it’s been SEVEN FECKING YEARS, moron. when exactly the fuck are you going to start carrying out the people’s business? ALL the people’s business. oh. never? yeah, go fig.

The actions of the 110th Congress…

now, just stop right there!

…will affect the security and prosperity of our Nation long after this session has ended.

i said, stop. gah. pinhead. yes they will, but only because they’re having to hop around cleaning up everything you’ve thrown your fetid chimpanzee feces at for the past SEVEN FECKING YEARS. do you seriously not realize that even your own party hates you? pfft.

most of us know better. even the lady with almost as much corporate baggage as you have knows better. STFU, Chimpy.

In the work ahead, we must be guided by the philosophy that made our Nation great.

exactly. thus, presuming a majority of the people vote for a Democrat for preznut, we’ll start getting better guidance in about a year.

In the long run, Americans can be confident about our economic growth.

“for the war machine and major corporations”

We have other work to do on taxes. Unless the Congress acts, most of the tax relief we have delivered over the past 7 years will be taken away. Some in Washington argue that letting tax relief expire is not a tax increase. Try explaining that to 116 million American taxpayers who would see their taxes rise by an average of $1,800. Others have said they would personally be happy to pay higher taxes. I welcome their enthusiasm, and I am pleased to report that the IRS accepts both checks and money orders.

oh, hah-hah-hah. very funny. your speech writer obviously crafted that little gem while snuggling with Jonah Goldberg in his mother’s basement. i’ll give you this, little man. you did a hell of a job reading through the cheetoh stains. anyway, STFU, Chimpy. ignorant bastard. not even “Uncle Ben” there seems to agree with you.

The people’s trust in their Government is undermined by congressional earmarks….

while that statement isn’t necessarily untrue, it misses the larger point that people’s trust in their government is undermined by the ineffectual and often embarrassing “leadership” of a “man” who is only marginally capable of communicating his own inadequacy. look, Chimpy, the idiots on the left there are the only ones who are happy with you, and they’re only happy with you when you’re not around.

Our shared responsibilities extend beyond matters of taxes and spending.

holy shit, Chimpy. it only took you SEVEN FECKING YEARS to figure that out. oh, wait. my bad. you were already hip to the “war” and “hypocrisy” squares.

The No Child Left Behind Act is a bipartisan achievement. It is succeeding. And we owe it to America’s children, their parents, and their teachers to strengthen this good law.

this, coming from The Chimpanzee Who Should Have Been Left Behind. i have yet to meet an education professional who has positive things to say about No Child Left Behind. it’s not a good law, Chimpy, and your opinion on the issue, my brave little below-average student, hardly matters.

{….skipping a whole bunch of shit because i have responsibilities….}

One of the most important tools we can give them is the ability to monitor terrorist communications. To protect America, we need to know who the terrorists are talking to, what they are saying, and what they are planning.

i was waiting for that. it wouldn’t have been a genuine Boosh Speech without a paragraph or two of fear-mongering.

America is leading the fight against global hunger.

indeed, eradicating those who follow the path of Islam, the most populous religion in the world, will certainly help make more food available for others.

America is leading the fight against disease.

except where it came to electing presidents over the past two elections, anyway.

America is a force for hope in the world because we are a compassionate people, and some of the most compassionate Americans are those who have stepped forward to protect us.

maybe it’s just a product of my own public schooling, but i didn’t think the word “compassion” was spelled I·N·V·A·S·I·O·N. or O·I·L. let alone G·R·E·E·D.

The secret of our strength, the miracle of America, is that our greatness lies not in our Government, but in the spirit and determination of our people.

again, a bit of truth shines out at the end. we’ll see how your kind fares in November. in the meantime, STFU, Chimpy.

photo credit: AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

Tonight, Preznut Boosh will give his last State of the Union address. Undoubtedly, it will be a hallmark occasion. Meaning, we should all probably go out and buy apology cards for everyone we know in Europe and the Middle East as we begin to invade Iran. Oh, and sympathy cards for every family of a marine, soldier, airman, or seaman that we know.

photo credit: AFP/File/Paul J. Richards

President Bush offers a final kiss goodbye to American “liburtee” and “them other thangs” mentioned in the Declaration of Independence.

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Corbis for TIME

“Vote fer meh, or mah pimp here’ll kick yer goddamn ass!”

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Corbis for TIME

“Yeh know, Gwen. If he even so much as tries for Hispanic votes, Ah’m gonna break him over mah knee like a toothpick.”

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Corbis for TIME

“Respec’ Mah Authoritay, old man! Repeat after me! ‘Ah’m gonna vote fer Huckabee!’ Say it! Say it!!!!”

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Corbis for TIME

“Now, lookit, ya’ll. Ah’m completely drunk off mah ass, but Ah kin guarantee ya’ll that Huck here be thah Total Shit 2000™. An’ fer jist minutes a day, he’s great fer yer abs, too!”

i admire Jon Stewart. his willingness to play host to controversial individuals is remarkable. one of his latest guests was the Doughy Pantload himself, Jonah Goldberg, who is currently out peddling his latest intellectual diarrhea entitled Liberal Fascism. i just can’t bring myself to link to anything that full of shit, so i won’t.

however, Comedy Central has generously posted the edited interview as it was broadcast, which i do include below. if by some remote chance you were unable to view the episode and the interview in that hole under whatever rock you must live, or if you would enjoy watching Jon treat such an inept buffoon with far more respect than he deserves once again, here it is:

i seriously hope that Comedy Central will eventually make available the entire interview. 18 minutes, it was. there’s enough there for an entire half-hour episode.

this morning, over at Sadly, No!, Cliff wrote an exceptional post which goes well beyond the site’s traditional snark and acerbity. a serious piece on why Jonah Goldberg and the National Review (which employs him) are absolutely No Laughing Matter. i believe it falls in the general category of “must read”, so please do.

apparently, the new spin from the National Review, and the “right”, is to attempt to obscure the negative ground upon which they stand, rewrite history, and redefine current arguments in intellectually archaic memes. this is troublesome, and it is dangerous. and i will admit it is frustrating that such demagoguery and willful ignorance must be given the same freedom of expression as truthfulness, compassion, and other non-stagnant forms of intellect.

but at least we have people like Jonah Goldberg out there, making the self-contradicting spin so blatantly obvious. the “right” continues to support progressive ideals by virtue of its own self-deprecation. it’s kind of beautiful, in a sickening way.

so, thank you, Jonah Goldberg. you’re one of the most helpful douchebags supporting the causes i believe in today!

photo credit: AFP/File/Paul J. Richards

“Responsibilidad gubernamental? ¿Qué es esto?”

photo credit: AFP/Mandel Ngan

“Tha money’s behind the spare tire of mah limo. Ah hope ya’ll brought tha good stuff this time!”