Thinking Unenslaved

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Corbis for TIME

“Respec’ Mah Authoritay, old man! Repeat after me! ‘Ah’m gonna vote fer Huckabee!’ Say it! Say it!!!!”

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Time

“Okay, ladies. After these photos, let’s head back to my hotel and get it on! All except that one lady with the beard, anyway!

Whuh? He’s a whut?

Oh! Damn, that’s great! You bring along some o’ them little altar boys for the VeePee, then! Helluva deal!”

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Time

“Wait a minute. Wait a damn minute! Did this stupid, drunken bastard really just tell me how I ought to run my country?”

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Time

A Secret Service agent keeps watch as Chimpy relieves himself behind “one o’ them weird-lookin’ trees”.

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Time

“…someone’s hugging me, and it’s not Gwen Ifil! What do I do? What do I do?!?!”

photo credit: Brooks Kraft / Time

“…and friends await the Chimpanzee in Chief.”

original photo credit: AP Photo/Susan Walsh

commander other realizes this is not the best photoshop job in the world, but it gets the idea across.

photo credit: REUTERS/Larry Downing

“Pull mah finner!”

original photo credit: REUTERS/Sukree Sukplang

 

Drive dangerously with Happy Jihad. Because goodness knows he doesn’t get enough hits on his own. all fifty of you are sure to make a difference!

photo credit: Anthony Suau for TIME

 

“…gets it on with a Clinton campaign supporter.”

photo credit: Joe Raedle / Getty

“Iceburg Lettuce prepares to give her acceptance-of-defeat speech, flanked by Madeline Albright and her husband. Meanwhile, daughter Chelsea enjoys a friendly goose from a campaign supporter, while another supporter seems enraptured with Hillary’s facility to ‘bring up the rear’.”

photo credit: Charlie Niebergall / AP

“Fifty dollars? You’d be willing to contribute fifty dollars to my campaign? Girlfriend, for fifty bucks, I wouldn’t even let you suck his dick!”

photo credit: John Gress / Reuters

“At least Edwards casts a shadow, unlike several of the Republican candidates.”

photo credit: AP Photo/Duane A. Laverty

“Overcoats by Hefty. Moron by Barbara. Complacency by Xanax. Irrelevance by Cocaine.“

photo credit: Jessica Rinaldi/Reuters

“…and I cannot lie.” well, he can lie, actually, but i figured, what the hell…

photo credit: AP Photo/The Martha Stewart Show, Anders Krusberg

“…discuss how best to prepare tissue samples from Joan’s last face lift as holiday appetizers.”

alright… since Freida (freakin) Bee said i have to….

(i kid, i kid….i actually enjoy some of these meme things, or i wouldn’t participate. i just have to maintain the semblance of acerbic asshole, after all. it goes with the name).

teh rulz: Write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND—and this is important, hence the use of capitalization and bold—ONE of them (AND ONLY FECKING ONE OF THEM, YA LAZY BASTIDS) must come from your tagger’s list. (and i’m goddamn serious about that shit, okay? if the likes of commander other can can follow teh rulz, you sure as hell can. understood? good. i thought so!!!)

Now, in Commander Other’s opinion, that means you only get to use the title of one of your tagger’s items. If you don’t jazz up the content of the course offering sufficiently, it is possible that Commander Other will suddenly appear on your front door-step, asking to audit your lazy-minded, plagiaristic course!!!

NOTE: i was trying to finish this up yesterday when this happened. sorry to be so behind on this.

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on to selected OWU course offerings!

original photo credit: AP Photo/Nick Ut

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‘LOLcons’ concept created by Jon Swift and named by Marita.

…being a completely banal exercise in how to wring nonsense from a few facts presented in news reports. have a great weekend, all!

photo credit: AFP/Pierre-Philippe Marcou

“…’Finger Painting’ for $1,000, Alex!” okay, actually, i’d be quite willing to take that for free.

photo credit:AP Photo/Ron Edmonds

“Mr. President, will you be my daddy for Christmas?” “Hell, no, boy. Yer just here for the cameras. ‘Sides, you already got a daddy.” “No, sir, I swear I don’t. Momma says I ain’t never had a daddy.” “. . . .” “Well, it’s like this, see? I’m too old ta be yer daddy. Besides, I couldn’t take you to none of the clubs I belong to.” “Why’s that, Mr. President?” “Heh.heh.heh. Let’s just say mah clubs ain’t very colorful.” “Oh, I get it. You really ARE as evil as Momma says.” “Where IS yer momma, boy? Ah’m pretty shore sumpin’ needs cleanin’ somewhere.” “That’s funny, Mr. President. Momma says no amount of scrubbin’ll ever get the Oval Office clean after eight years of your filth.” “Now waitaminnit, boy. A couple o’ seconds ago, you was wantin’ me to be yer daddy. Now yer dissin’ me right ta mah face!” “Yup, that’s right. I’ve always wanted to bust my daddy in the balls since he walked out on Momma and me. But since you screwed up everything else in our lives, I figured I’d try bustin’ yours.” “Laura, get this little shit off your damn lap. He’s a plant from Hillary.” “Oh! Hillary sent us a plant? That’s nice dear. I hope it’s a good strain of indica. That’s so much nicer than the sativa we’ve been getting.”

photo credit: AP Photo/Jessie Cohen, Smithsonian’s National Zoo

“The White House did not announce today the premature birth of quadruplets to President Bush’s only daughter, Jenna. A spokesperson was not quoted as saying, ‘The babies are doing as well as can be expected and have already shed their tails, so their mother is quite proud.’ Meanwhile, Not-Jenna, President Bush’s rarely-mentioned, often-invisible, and theoretically nonexistent offspring was once again heard muttering to herself, ‘Jenna, Jenna, Jenna. It’s always about Jenna!’”

photo credit: AP Photo/Gerald Herbert

“What say the two of us go back to my place from some racht and bloodwine after this meeting, Ms. Warf.”

photo credit: REUTERS/Michael Caronna

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photo credit: REUTERS/Jason Reed

Now comes in a can. alternatively:   “They says mah beans is good, but mah frank needs some work.”   “Try mah beans. Or Ah’ll invade yer gol-durned country an’ take all yer oil.”   “These are Laura’s fav’rit beans. Cuz they ain’t got no ‘little pokey thing’ tryin’ ta keep her up all night.”   “When ya’ll need a li’l sumpin’ ta clear tha system, mah can’s a whole lot tastier than Laura’s!”

photo credit: REUTERS/Bogdan Cristel

“…to get a handle on fashion.”