Thinking Unenslaved

“Hrm…probably not. I’m just one of the disease-infested skank-boxes you fooled around with before, during and after your assertions of self-aggrandizing hypocrisy. Your wife called. She’d like her sense of fidelity back, and she’d be happy to take it in flesh.”

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photo credit: AP Photo/Alex Brandon

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Blogswarm. Post. Get to it.

sorry. i discovered late last night that a certain “assistant” of mine who we wound up parting ways with last month never even got started on (let alone got it done) a huge print order that sadly included an entire reprocessing, thanks to incompatibility issues between settings in older versions of Adobe® Camera Raw^gah! so, i’ve got to reprocess and kick some 500 photos out the door by tonight…or at least before opening of business tomorrow in order for the happy couple to get them when they want and for me to be able to move on to other things before i leave to go shoot a wedding in the prairie-riffic boondox of western “Sodakia”, (as i refer to our fine abortion-obsessed state). after i get done with that, i’ll be commenting on this following article, sent by a friend of mine down in the Texas Republic from an undisclosed newspaper that I haven’t had the time to research yet.

Backers of healthy marriage law say it’s a way to improve society

The law, House Bill 2685 by Rep. Warren Chisum, a conservative Republican from the Panhandle, prompted derisive comments from opponents who called it the worst sort of government intrusion.

[...]

It calls for couples who take an eight-hour “successful marriage” course approved by the state to get a free marriage license, with those who don’t paying a doubled fee of $60.

EDIT: reduced to pertinent snippet and linked to the article.

“I”m a MAVERICK, for chrissakes! That means I have the biggest dick of all the candidates, and it doesn’t matter if the only talent I have is stepping all over it!”

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photo credit: Brian Snyder/Reuters

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“…make sure it’s no bigger ’round than this! Otherwise, the rest of the fellers can’t get in there!”

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photo credit: Larry Downing/Reuters

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“Former First-Lady Clinton celebrates after receiving a large shipment of Iceberg Lettuce. ‘This is just fabulous,’ Senator Clinton was not reported as saying. ‘Now I won’t be lonely whenever Bill is out getting nookie.’”

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photo credit: Jim Young/Reuters

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“No wonder it never seemed to satisfy! But really, no idea where them emails went. I was too busy pulling the president’s strings, so it couldn’t have been me!”

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photo credit: Larry Downing/Reuters

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Shoe-sie and the Banshees
(yes, it’s your bonus pun for the day)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Echo and the Bunnymen

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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The Cure

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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photo credits (in order):

Shoe-sie and the Banshees = Imelda Marcos ~ AP Photo/Aaron Favila, file; Leslee Unruh ~ unattributed file photo;
Echo and the Bunnymen = Alberto Gonzales ~ AFP/File/Saul Loeb; Bush’s Cabinet/Department of Homeland Security ~ AP Photo/The White House, Eric Draper
The Cure = Barack Obama ~ AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast, File

The Otherwhirled was very honored to not have an exclusive interview with the lovely and intrepid Secretary of State this past weekend. We thoroughly enjoyed the time we did not have with Lead Warmonger, and look forward to future conversational interludes. In honor of our spotlights on Secretary Rice, the Otherwhirled has established a brand-new category which exclusively features the Secretary of State. We call it “Rice Bowling“, just to confuse our sports readers.

Our interview began a little shakily, as our reporter had misplaced his notes. “Interviews bore me,” quipped the esteemed Secretary of State. “I have a Cold War to resurrect. When will this be over?” Undaunted, our intrepid reporter carried on.

 

Question: Over recent months, the Bush Administration has escalated the military’s presence in Iraq and inferred that military action will be taken against Iran. Do you feel it’s truly in the best interest of the United States to have so many forces committed to Middle East endeavors at the potential risk to national security?

Madame Secretary: I care this much for your opinion on King George’s actions in the Middle East! What we do in the Middle East is our concern, not yours! Do not worry yourself about it! You did, of course, register for the draft when you were eighteen? Good boy.

 

Question: National Guard and Reserve forces are reported as over-extended, underfunded, ill-equipped not only for their Iraq deployments, but for those rare occasions when they’re actually back home and somewhat available to provide aid in natural disasters or national security concerns. Is it the policy of this Administration to detriment its own forces to such an extent?

Madame Secretary: If by “overextended” you mean, “successfully deployed”, and by “underfunded” you mean, “conscientious of budgetary concerns”, and by “ill-equipped” you mean “not over-stocked”, then everything is, in fact, just fine with our military forces. We don’t detriment our troops any more than we deprecate our standing in global politics by maintaining a firm control in Iraq.

Question: You look lovely today, and your outfit truly compliments the aura of your power. Are your clothes, like Queen Pickles, custom tailored to your express specifications, or do you have a favorite place to shop?

Madame Secretary: Ah, that’s good of you to notice, peon. To be honest, you’re not looking so bad yourself, tiger. Heh. Too bad you’re not female. However, the places I shop and the designers I use are state secrets and cannot be revealed to the American public, due to National Security reasons. I’m sure you understand.

 

Question: What plans do you have for after the end of the Bush Presidency? Have you thought about where your career will take you?

Madame Secretary: (mumbling, barely audibly) Oh, it will never truly end, my friend. Ever. Er…well, obviously, the details of my future career are classified, being a matter of National Security. However, I can tell you that I fully intend to play a formative role in a shadow government that will maintain clandestine control of global politics for at least the next century. All of which I will later deny.

[The rest of our interview was unfortunately redacted due to "National Security" concerns.]

Question: Thank you for a wonderful and insightful interview, Madame Secretary. It was an absolute pleasure spending these few moments with you and four dozen Secret Service personnel. Did you have anything else you might like to say to the American public?

Madame Secretary: Oh, you kidder! Of course I have nothing more to say to the American public. They should feel blessed to even see our likenesses on the television or in newspapers. Who needs to say anything to them? But seriously, I will say this: “Be careful who you call, and be mindful of what you say. We’re making a list and checking it twice, and not many of you look very nice.”

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photo credit, all: AP Photo/Richard Drew

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“President Bush and Bulgarian Prime Minister Sergei Stanishev rehearse dance moves prior to the evening’s ball. Prime Minisert Stanishev was not quoted as saying, ‘He is a good dancer, but his politics are frightening.’”

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photo credit: AP Photo/Gerald Herbert

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i really, honestly, hate how these guys pander to Graham and the rest of the holy rollers. bah! humbug!

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photo credit: Chris Keane/Reuters

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having been gone all day yesterday, and not having posted anything before i left the house at 6:30 a.m., i was curious today how many people came through. surprisingly, there was quite a good number of you (in my miserable, small-timer terms). one that that struck me as “funny” though, was that last Wednesday, i removed the ‘public figures’ category, because none of the major sites seem to use that as a search term, and hardly any other bloggers do, either.

today, however, i discover that WordPress has (probably automatedly) created a ‘public figures’ RSS feed, and naturally, the majority of the posts are from the otherwhirled. and, as Murphy’s Law would naturally dicate, that feed provided most of my hits yesterday. so, while i’m not going back through 170-odd posts and re-tacking the ‘public figures’ category onto them, i will start using that category again.

if it wasn’t obvious already, i apply a relatively subjective usage of my categories, and they overlap intentionally. i do this in part because it makes the tag cloud look funky, but also because it’s appropriate. not everything i do here is ‘snark’ (although obviously most of it is), and i think the separation of ‘politics’ from ‘political hegemony’ is important, as one example. ‘public figures’ is one of those categories that covers people from politics, sports, and entertainment, so i had come to consider it a bit too generalistic, but i guess if that’s how people are going to find me, i might as well keep using it.

anyway, thanks very much for visiting! the rambling is done, now.

{edit} ooo, neat-o. WordPress automatically included those previous posts when i re-enabled ‘public figures’. golly, could life be any better?

“With the lights low, and fully clothed.”

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photo credit: Eric Thayer/Reuters

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(Joshua Roberts/Reuters)

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“Still basically unfamiliar with Constitutional Law, Vice President Cheney wonders why impeachment doesn’t at least include a cobbler or a pie.”

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(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

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“Actually, Senator, it appears that I exercise better management skills over this paper clip that I’m bending all to hell, than I have exercised over the Justice Department.”

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During his testimony yesterday, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales created several fascinating paper clip sculptures which individually simply looked odd, but when placed together spelled the words “I’m a complete buffoon.” When questioned about the paper clips, the Attorney General responded, “I have no recollection of any paper clips, but I am confident that their message is accurate.”

<Technorati Tag: politics>

Yes, kids, here we go…down, down, down the slippery slope of legislated religious intolerance. In a 5-4 ruling, the Supreme Court (also known as “The George Bush Action League”), decided that everyone’s uteruses belong to the federal government (presuming you have one, if you don’t, then you’re good to go). in fact, this pretty much paves the way to rapist’s rights.

Christy Harden Smith at Firedoglake has a good writeup on the subject, which you should definitely read.

Some pertinent information for your consideration:

In the course of her dissenting opinion, Ginsburg accused the majority of offering “flimsy and transparent justifications” for upholding the ban. She also denounced the Kennedy opinion for its use of “abortion doctor” to describe specialists who perform gynecological services, “unborn child” and “baby” to describe a fetus, and “preferences” based on “mere convenience” to describe the medical judgments of trained doctors. She also commented: “Ultimately, the Court admits that ‘moral concerns’ are at work, concerns that cdould [sic] yield prohibitions on any abortion.”

In a sidelong way, I’m kind of glad the Supremes ruled this way and laid their (Roberts, Kennedy, Alito, Scalia and Thomas) religious predispositions on the table. That certainly makes it easier to call theocratic-wishing spades what they are.

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(AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

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“So, uh…since ya’ll’ve already had some combat experience, Ah’m wondering if’n ya’ll might wanna take a little trip to the middle east?….”

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(REUTERS/Larry Downing)

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“Ah pledge allegiance to myself….”

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In a recent meeting with Democratic Congressional Leaders, President Bush proclaimed himself “King of Everything I Kin See”. Later, he was heard complaining to an aide that he needs “One of them thar jackets I can stick mah hand into like that Nappy-lion dude.” In the photo, John Boehner (R-Toadee) attempts to surreptitiously check out Nancy Pelosi’s (D-GotUByTheBalls) assets.

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(REUTERS/Larry Downing)

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“Senator Harry Reid (D-Sleepytime) naps during a meeting with Speaker Pelosi and President Bush.”

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Said Reid after the meeting, “Holy begeebers, but the man’s constant rhetoric and fear-mongering is SUCH a snoozer. I was like, ‘Zzzzzzz, Mr. President. Yawn.’ the whole meeting.”

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(AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

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“Distracted by the possibility of another email server containing sensitive information, the Puppet Master temporarily let President Bush walk on his own yesterday.”

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Astute photographer Gerald Herbert produces an astounding natural-light photo of the president attempting to direct himself back to his waiting prop box. The control lines are virtually invisible, and though the long rigor of the death of his personal self is clearly evident, the president did manage not to fall on his face.

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(Jim Bourg/Reuters)

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“Several major retailers report record sales in the ‘George W. Bush Love Doll™’.”

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Sales of the popular George W. Bush Love Doll™ now nearly rival those of the John Edwards Love Doll. Stocks continued to surge today after a major spike in sales reputedly from Democratic Congresspeople and military officials. An anonymous general, who recently turned down the administration’s offer for the position of “War Czar”, was quoted as saying, “Sure, he’s shaped a little odd, but that’s kinda what makes it more fun!” He went on to add that he had purchased an entire lot for soldiers “recovering” at Walter Reed. The doll is also quite popular in the city of New Orleans, where it is filled with empty promises and used as a piñata in the birthday celebrations of government officials.<Technorati Tag: politics>

(REUTERS/Larry Downing)

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“…Ah kin wurkit ta mah advantige.”

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Following the shooting tragedy at Virginia Tech University on Monday, President Bush suddenly appeared interested in the Bill of Rights. Managing to blame the shooting deaths of 33 people on over-zealous gun control in the midst of his own War Against Personal Freedom, left voters more confused than they were during the 2004 elections, and basically left the Ruler of the Free Whirled looking just as stunningly inept as ever.

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(Mike Theiler/Reuters)

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original caption: “Fred Thompson is seen in Washington in a 2002 file photo. Thompson revealed on Wednesday he has a slow-growing form of cancer, now in remission, and he does not expect it to shorten his life.”

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His cancerous political ideologies, however, are quite likely terminal.

Over the past couple of days, in preparation for participating in this Blogswarm Against Theocracy, I have had several conversations with friends and acquaintances on the subject of theocracy in general. As the majority of these friends are Christians, the conversation always got off to a bit of a rough start, but ironically, every single one ended with my friend’s assertion that indeed, a theocratic state wouldn’t be beneficial for this country, and quite often included an expression of exasperation at how various state legislatures, municipal governments, and even federal entities persistently attempt to hijack public forums and taxpayer monies to promote obviously religious agenda. For my experiences with my friends, and from what I read online, in the paper, and in national magazines, the Christian public at large doesn’t see a need for a theocratic state, and honestly resents taxpayer monies being used to promote such agendas. Personally of course, I believe they’re right to be offended by the actions of their own elected leaders and church leaders. There are two points that I believe to be the most fundamental to this issue:

1. Acting Against the Spirit of the Law. I know history isn’t everyone’s favorite subject, but think back to the reason why our “First Freedom” was written as: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” {emphasis mine} After having literally fled (in some cases) from persecution by the Church of England, our founding fathers saw fit to write this as the first Amendment to our Constitution. It doesn’t take a lot of intelligence to understand the impetus behind it. Religion is a highly personal thing that doesn’t require a separate branch of government. But while the responsibility is specifically vested in Congress by this Amendment, is there any doubt as to the intent of this Amendment? No one religion should hold sway over another.

So today, we have a theoretically duly-elected president who considers himself and the entire Executive Branch as a separate Rule of Law, unconstrained by the checks and balances found in the Constitution, and specifically believing that he is above the Congress. He, then, being a religious character, begins supporting the actions of specific religious organizations, providing funding for them under the cover of carefully-defined special projects exclusively awarded to religious organizations that meet his definition of religion—that is Christian. By recognizing that Amendment I doesn’t apply to him and believing that he is in fact above Congress, he has effectively jeopardized the spirit of the Amendment.

2. An Inherent Expression of Idealogical Weakness. The kids that throw rocks at other kids on the playground, or push kids out of their swings or off the merry-go-round, kick sand in other kids’ eyes, etc don’t really exercise their power. That they think they do merely connotes their lack of discretionary thinking, for what they really show is their weaknesses: their inability to confront their peers one-on-one, face-to-face, with a general courtesy that society expects us to show to everyone. As well, they obviously show their lack of self-control.

And while some will consider it puerile, I make this analogy because it is exactly relevant. The current administration won neither election legitimately, knowing full well that their weakness in the public vote would cost them an election. And their cowardice is just as transparent in its dealings with Congress. Think carefully on this for a moment. Our president is an outspoken evangelical Christian, and the example he sets for other evangelicals is to ram-rod their beliefs down everyone else’s throats instead of working in responsible and acceptable ways to sway the public opinion in their favor. The favoritism to Christian evangelicals creates an environment in which other religions are marginalized, if not alienated.

I think this is an important issue, again not because of anyone’s particular religiousness, but because of how those religious beliefs are being inflicted upon the population. Here in South Dakota, for example, prior to the mid-term elections, members of our State Legislature first attempted to have an abortion ban ratified with no public vote. Then naturally, when that was disallowed, the “pro-life” crowd used every tactic they could to strong-arm the vote in their favor—to the point that they lost the moderate vote and thereby the election, I might add. And what’s most embarrassing about all that is the fact that our State Constitution already carries a clause that if, at the Federal level, a reversal of Roe v. Wade takes place, our State will automatically follow suit. The entire year-long affair was an unconscionable waste of taxpayer money, promoted by legislators who refused to listen to their own constituents, just for the benefit of “making their mark” in State and national politics.

What We Can Do About It.

There’s no denying that the vast majority of our founding fathers were Christians, or at least believers in some religion. There’s certainly a lot of evidence in government traditions (swearing on the Bible as witnesses in court trials, swearing on some holy book when taking public office, “In God We Trust” on our currency, and so on and so forth). Obviously, religious sentiment is strong in our government, and there’s nothing at all wrong with that. No rational person even resents government officials being personally religious per se. It is only when one religious belief is specifically promoted, encouraged, or supported above others that the problems begin.

Good people can do good things for their communities without any one religion being sanctioned to conduct any particular program. And in fact, the example provided by this administration in that regard is exactly the wrong one to be following. Its actions merely exemplify its disregard for the founding principles of this country and its inherent idealogical weakness. If you’re a religious person, do good deeds in the name of your Creator as you are bidden. But please don’t support legislation in your States and communities that would set one particular religion above another. Your contract with your God is unbounded by the dictates of your government, and the personal impetus is far more valuable than a state or federal sanction.

Would you really be a better worshiper if your government told you which faith to believe in?

{cross-posted to the Mock, Paper, Scissors}

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