Thinking Unenslaved

photo credit: AFP/File/Saul Loeb

BOOOO!!!!

ooops. my bad. that was SOTU. (the link is to the full SOTU text as posted by Think Progress)

{by the by, some of the “fun” in this post is in the image mouseovers. just sayin’….}

indeed. the last-and-final SOTU by Preznut Chimperator was yet another exercise in “Shut The Fuck Up, Chimpy”, flavored overmuch by the inherent sense of melancholy and dread that accompanies unbiased critical thinking as applied to careful consideration upon the actual state of the Union. in my humble opinion, it really couldn’t have been:

1. more depressing
2. more predictable
3. more embarrassing
4. more unremarkable

probably the most telling synopsis of this SOTU, as with any other, is the US Presidential Speeches Tag Cloud. i have this separately bookmarked in my browsers, because it encompasses all major presidential speeches, not just the SOTU/STFUs, and is a simple way to compare the focus of past speeches, and past presidents.

as usual, Think Progress has a great series of rebuttals to assertions and declarations made in this most recent SOTU. they even went so far as to provide separate tags for two different forms of capitalization: State of the Union and State Of The Union. either way you do it, the posts there are, as usual, a great window into how stupid he is.

personally, i think his opening lines were the most telling (and thus ensues the quotational cherry-picking!):

Seven years have passed since I first stood before you at this rostrum. In that time, our country has been tested in ways none of us could have imagined.

yeah, no shit, Chimpy. first of all, it’s really uncool to rub in the fact that it’s been SEVEN FECKING YEARS since you stole the preznutty. and “tested in ways none of us could have imagined” means far more to the average, every-day American than a coked-up fuckwit like you can likely fathom.

All of us were sent to Washington to carry out the people’s business. That is the purpose of this body. It is the meaning of our oath. And it remains our charge to keep.

again, no shit. it’s been SEVEN FECKING YEARS, moron. when exactly the fuck are you going to start carrying out the people’s business? ALL the people’s business. oh. never? yeah, go fig.

The actions of the 110th Congress…

now, just stop right there!

…will affect the security and prosperity of our Nation long after this session has ended.

i said, stop. gah. pinhead. yes they will, but only because they’re having to hop around cleaning up everything you’ve thrown your fetid chimpanzee feces at for the past SEVEN FECKING YEARS. do you seriously not realize that even your own party hates you? pfft.

most of us know better. even the lady with almost as much corporate baggage as you have knows better. STFU, Chimpy.

In the work ahead, we must be guided by the philosophy that made our Nation great.

exactly. thus, presuming a majority of the people vote for a Democrat for preznut, we’ll start getting better guidance in about a year.

In the long run, Americans can be confident about our economic growth.

“for the war machine and major corporations”

We have other work to do on taxes. Unless the Congress acts, most of the tax relief we have delivered over the past 7 years will be taken away. Some in Washington argue that letting tax relief expire is not a tax increase. Try explaining that to 116 million American taxpayers who would see their taxes rise by an average of $1,800. Others have said they would personally be happy to pay higher taxes. I welcome their enthusiasm, and I am pleased to report that the IRS accepts both checks and money orders.

oh, hah-hah-hah. very funny. your speech writer obviously crafted that little gem while snuggling with Jonah Goldberg in his mother’s basement. i’ll give you this, little man. you did a hell of a job reading through the cheetoh stains. anyway, STFU, Chimpy. ignorant bastard. not even “Uncle Ben” there seems to agree with you.

The people’s trust in their Government is undermined by congressional earmarks….

while that statement isn’t necessarily untrue, it misses the larger point that people’s trust in their government is undermined by the ineffectual and often embarrassing “leadership” of a “man” who is only marginally capable of communicating his own inadequacy. look, Chimpy, the idiots on the left there are the only ones who are happy with you, and they’re only happy with you when you’re not around.

Our shared responsibilities extend beyond matters of taxes and spending.

holy shit, Chimpy. it only took you SEVEN FECKING YEARS to figure that out. oh, wait. my bad. you were already hip to the “war” and “hypocrisy” squares.

The No Child Left Behind Act is a bipartisan achievement. It is succeeding. And we owe it to America’s children, their parents, and their teachers to strengthen this good law.

this, coming from The Chimpanzee Who Should Have Been Left Behind. i have yet to meet an education professional who has positive things to say about No Child Left Behind. it’s not a good law, Chimpy, and your opinion on the issue, my brave little below-average student, hardly matters.

{….skipping a whole bunch of shit because i have responsibilities….}

One of the most important tools we can give them is the ability to monitor terrorist communications. To protect America, we need to know who the terrorists are talking to, what they are saying, and what they are planning.

i was waiting for that. it wouldn’t have been a genuine Boosh Speech without a paragraph or two of fear-mongering.

America is leading the fight against global hunger.

indeed, eradicating those who follow the path of Islam, the most populous religion in the world, will certainly help make more food available for others.

America is leading the fight against disease.

except where it came to electing presidents over the past two elections, anyway.

America is a force for hope in the world because we are a compassionate people, and some of the most compassionate Americans are those who have stepped forward to protect us.

maybe it’s just a product of my own public schooling, but i didn’t think the word “compassion” was spelled I·N·V·A·S·I·O·N. or O·I·L. let alone G·R·E·E·D.

The secret of our strength, the miracle of America, is that our greatness lies not in our Government, but in the spirit and determination of our people.

again, a bit of truth shines out at the end. we’ll see how your kind fares in November. in the meantime, STFU, Chimpy.

photo credit: Brian Snyder / Reuters

 

…what her O-face really looked like!

“Learning that she is ahead in the polls while ordering a vanilla chai at a local shop in Concord, Hillary achieves her first orgasm in over a decade.”

photo credit: Win McNamee / Getty

 

“Okay, everyone! All together now! ‘Nine-Eleven, Nine-Eleven, Rah! Rah! Rah!’ “

what’s really scary about this photo is the fact that Rudy has supporters. supporters who presumably believe in the constant recitation and invocation of Rudy’s 9/11 rhetoric as opposed to substantive discourse. damn, they sure make me proud to have served several years in the military to theoretically protect their right to moronism.

photo credit: Carlos Barria / Reuters

 

“Why do I doubt that guy looks at his wife with that much adoration? Collective “Ewwwwwww!”

(the original caption was “Cream or Sugar”. i think we know what that guy’s answer was!)

Commander Other hereby commands—requests, even, if you so prefer—you to go read this. Very nicely done. Most worthy of linking to in your own blogolalia.

what the hell is up with these lips? i seriously doubt they’ve both got mint meltaways tucked in there.

photo credit: AP Photo/Hasan Jamali

photo credit: AFP/Getty Images/File/Mario Tama